Mourinho, are you listening?

There was an earthquake in Taiwan, which snapped internet cables from South East Asia to the rest of the world meaning that Indonesia was blunged in to the pre-1995 dark ages when t'internet did not exist. No bother for me as I'm on holiday but it did prevent me from using the medium of blogging to express my happiness about Reading's 2-2 draw with Chelsea.

So I will do this now:

Roman Abramovic! Peter Kenyon! Tim Lovejoy! Didier Drogba! David Mellor! Ken Bates! Dennis Wise! Ginaluca Vialli! Blue flag! John Major! One man went to mow! Samsung! Jose Mourinho - can you hear me, Jose Mourinho? Your boys took one hell of a beating, your boys took one hell of a beating!

That is slightly inappropriate seeing as we drew them not beat them but it did feel like a massive win. After United's 3-1 win over Wigan two hours after the game, the more appropriate way would be to sing to the tune of Winter Wonderland:

Mourinho, are you listening?
Better keep our trophy glistening,
Cos we're coming your way to take it in May,
Walking in a Fergie wonderland.

Don't worry, I will be humble again in a few more days.

You make me feel like dancing

Not only are Reading by far the greatest team the world have ever seen, but we also have by far the coolest kit man the world has ever seen as well. Check out our 70 year old kit man Ron Grant doing the jitterbug after Harper put us in front against Blackburn on Saturday:

Inspired

While revising for Property, I came across this passage in my manual:

"The drama and excitement attached by the client to his house move is not always shared by the solicitor, for whom this client's completion is just one of many which will be carried out by the solicitor on every working day. The drama of completion affects the solicitor only when things go wrong, for example if the money is not received by the seller and he will not allow the buyer in to possession, or if the seller's mother-in-law refuses to move out of the property and the buyer's removal van is standing outside the gate waiting to unload its contents. An understanding of what happens at completion and why it happens, and careful planning of what appears to be a mundane event (until it goes wrong), will avoid most of the foreseeable problems attached to completion."

Summary:
- We do a boring job.
- The only time it gets exciting is when we mess up.
- The feeling we strive for is not that of success but of relief from knowing we didn't screw up.
- We're not supposed to enjoy anything, just fear that we have made a mistake.
- The mother-in-law ruins everything.

I am soooo inspired about my career now.

We have exams next week

Let the procrastination begin.

Silence is easy

I talk too much and am a very bad listener. I don't know why but sometimes I find myself talking so much that I even start asking people questions but then answering them myself before the other person has had time to think and then before they know it I've gone off on another tangent. It is a weakness and I imagine that any of you who have experienced me doing this must get deeply frustrated. I do apologise.

I did have a think about it last night and there are a few reasons why I think I talk too much sometimes:

1) I'm nervous. People who are nervous need to release energy. Some people bite their nails, other people shake their knee. I just talk. Forever.
2) I'm thinking something over in my mind that I can't come to a conclusion to so I subconsciously air my thoughts to the world to validate my thoughts.
3) I feel a burden to entertain. I don't want people to get bored or feel shy around me so I just talk...probably about stuff that they find boring or uncomfortable anyway.

One final reason did dawn upon me as well. Sometimes, you see, talking about one thing is the best way to make sure that another thing remains silent. And for me that is when the silence becomes so easy:

'Tis christmas time again

When does christmas actually start? It's 25th December but when people talk about 'christmas time' it never just means the day. As far as the shops are concerned, christmas begins some time in mid-August. School kids probably see it as starting when their holidays start. I'm not sure when it is to be honest but I usually think that the start of December seems like a good place to start.

Why is it important? Well, apart from the invasion of fat bearded men in red suits invading the streets of the world, it means that I for one time in the year I am allowed to sing without people telling me to shut up. I can sing christmas songs and when people tell me to be quiet I can tell them not to put a dampener on the christmas spirit and they will usually accept this. This can be contrasted to me being told to be quiet and then hushing up and hiding away sheepishly like the rest of the year.

There are many good christmas songs but this year I think I will mainly be singing:

"Feed the scousers,
Let them know it's christmas time." (To the tune of Feed the World)

"On the first day of christmas my true love gave to me...
12 Cantona,
11 Cantona,
10 Cantona,
9 Cantona,
8 Cantona,
7 Cantona,
6 Cantona,
5 CANTONA,
4 Cantona,
3 Cantona,
2 Cantona
and an Eric Cantona."

I'm not sure I'll join in but I'm sure that while at the Madejski I will hear the traditional christmas wishes the Reading fans give the visiting opposition fans at this time of year:
"We wish you a merry christmas,
We wish you a merry christmas,
We wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year.......F*** off!"

One thing I will not be singing is the Mr Blobby song, which was actually the christmas number 1 in 1998. If I get carol singers coming round singing that one I shall be very upset.

Warning

Watch your internet connections people. Get that new version of McAfee or Norton or whatever. I heard a story from a mate at college yesterday which both scared and very much amused me at the same time.

A while ago his computer started acting up and he didn't understand why. After a while he got it checked out and apparently some internet hack had clocked in to it from some unknown part of the world to and turned it in to the server for a porn website. It's probably quite a shocking sensation to find out that your apparently clean computer is being used to send lewd images out to the world wide web.

This could of course just be a cover up for the fact that he is himself turning his laptop in to a gigantic hard drive of love but I doubt this as he is a polite and decent gentleman. It reminded me of someone else I know (and if you're reading this you know who you are) who had his secret stash found and then told us it wasn't him who out it there. It was apparently his "computer repair man"mucking around during the last service.

At least he had an excuse lined up anyway. I know another friend (and if you are reading you also know who you are) who had his less than secret stash found on his C drive. Unfortunately for him, some of our mates felt the need to exploit this so they logged on to his e-mail account (someone knew his password), uploaded some of the forbidden files and sent it to a number of people on his contact list...including his girlfriend. She isn't his girlfriend anymore.

You probably think that all my friends are perverts now but this is not the case. I am only telling you this because I want to protect your computers and because I think these stories have good moral lessons. Firstly, don't stor porn on your computer. Secondly, don't let other people store porn on your computer. Thirdly, if you're going to store it on your computer, make sure you have a good excuse. Last but definetly not least, never ever give anyone the password to your e-mail account.

The biggest team in the world?

Honours even at Old Trafford yesterday. The first words that Richard Keys (the Sky TV presenter) said after the game ended were "now that was a proper football match". He was spot on. It was end to end and very entertaining, if not a little frustrating for United as we failed to open up that 6 point gap we wanted.

Chelsea claim that they're overtaking United in becoming the world's best supported club. They may have won two league titles in the last two years but they haven't got kids dressed up in their replica kits in Indonesian music videos like United do. Look out for the red shirt in Sheila on 7's Pemuja Rahasia:



Now I'm just waiting for the day that fake Reading shirts start popping up in South East Asian streets.

Simply the best

You have to watch this:



The guy in the white is now officially my best friend in the whole world.

You must be joking

Chelsea fans have been sending death threats to Stephen Hunt and Ibrahima Sonko.

Firstly, has anyone reminded them that football is a game?
Secondly, has anyone told them that no one outside Chelsea saw anything wrong with the challenges on Cech and Cudicini?
Thirdly, has anyone told them how big Sonko is and that they can't touch him without kryptonite? He's got pecs the size of a truck and legs like tree trunks. Apparently, before the boogeyman goes to bed he checks his cupboard for Ibrahima Sonko.

I sense a few renditions of 'Sonko is Superman' on Saturday.