08 January 2006

All you can eat

Every blue moon three hungry old school friends descend upon the town of Woking in Surrey to perform their sacred ritual at the mystical magical place known to the locals as Peter's Palace. The men are called Mus, Gubs and Warren. The ritual is to enter this Palace of Peter and eat all they can for the princely sum of £6.

The aim is to eat so much that Peter goes out of business. It is a goal that has never been reached. Try though they may, the men are never able to overcome the barrier of the fourth plate of egg-fried rice or crispy aromatic duck. Yesterday the valiant fighters adjusted their strategies to finally complete the mission. This involved:

1) Eating little or no breakfast in the morning.
2) South West Trains delays causing Gubs to turn up half an hour late at two o'clock, thus aiding the desire for more and more food.
3) The day being damn cold, making the body work harder to stay warm and thus increasing hunger levels.
4) Not wearing a belt.
5) Eating each helping slowly and engaging in long conversations to draw it all out.
6) Drinking as little water as possible to allow more space in the belly for food.

Alas, despite their best efforts, the men fail after sitting in the palace for a full three hours. The egg-fried rice overcame them once again. Defeated and with bloated bellies, they hit Woking with a vengeance for more jokes and general catching up.

Intriguingly, the restaurant now charges people based on their height. Supposedly shorter people aren't capable of eating less. I know one or two people who could easily put that myth to bed. They used to differentiate prices only between adults and children. They must have come across some hungry-ass child and were forced to rethink their pricing policy.

If anyone under 140cm tall wants to help force another policy rethink just give me a call.

Thanks to Gubs and Warren for a fun afternoon. Hopefully it won't be too long until the next assault.


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